London Calling, Post 5 – In Which I Climb Lots of Stairs and Get All Serious…

What an awesome day, you guys. The awesome came at definitely unexpected times and places, but was pretty awesome nonetheless.

I *did* achieve my goal of climbing all the way to the top of the dome at St. Paul’s Cathedral – I tackled the climb first thing when I got there around 11. This was no small feat, y’all – 530 stair steps in total, climbing 255 feet above the cathedral floor. And I only had to stop ONCE to catch my breath! My gangly kickboxing instructor would be proud!! One un-awesome aspect to today – the memory card on my camera may well be shot. Luckily, I’ve copied everything from prior to today onto my hard drive, but I’m not sure what can be salvaged from today’s exploits. So you’ll have to be content with my witticisms and pictures I’ve harvested from the Intertubes. Which are totally better than any I would have taken anyway.

Here we go!

I made it to the Whispering Gallery, which had blessedly wide and shallow steps leading to it. It was no sweat. Well, actually, there was some sweat, and I had to take a seat on the benches that circled the gallery to mop up. Once I had dried out a bit, and listened to the audioguide explaining why you really can whisper from one side of the gallery to the other (sound travels horizontally around the dome to people on the other side – it’s freaky), I started up to the Stone Gallery on the outside of the dome. These steps were much steeper, and I was breathing pretty hard by the top, but didn’t need a break through those 119 steep, narrow stairs. The Stone Gallery was wonderfully cool and breezy outside, but threatening dark clouds made me snap some photos quickly (which may or may not be preserved on my wonky memory card) and start the climb of the 152 steps to the Golden Gallery (see above and photos below of St. Paul’s to see how crazy-high I was!).

These stairs were worse, as they were narrow and steep AND circular. Blurp. Had to take a break just once to catch my breath and my equilibrium. But once outside again, it was windy and cool and marvelous. I made the circle, taking in all the glories of London spread out below me, and headed back down.

I was so proud of my efforts to make it up, and that I only had to stop once, but was humbled by the fact that I had to stop several times on the way DOWN to make the world stop spinning. Stupid spiral stairs…

Once I got back down, and was basking in the glow of my accomplishment, I sat in the sanctuary for a while listening to the audioguide describe the items around me. An announcement came over the speakers that the celebration of the Eurachist would begin at 12:30, so I decided to participate. I walked to the center of the cathedral floor, under the dome I’d just climbed, took a service card from a rector and found a seat.

Maybe it was altitude sickness from the climb I’d just completed, or the culmination of the last few months of uncertainty, but as I read the words of the service on the card I completely lost it. The words were so simple, so beautiful, so Christ-centered. I started crying and couldn’t stop during the whole service. The poor sweet older ladies in front of me didn’t quite know what to do when they turned to me for the passing of the peace. I don’t think the pile of soggy Kleenex building up in my purse were the peace they were hoping I’d pass. The scripture reading, from the first book of 2 Timothy, where Paul writes to Timothy, “For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” I cried even harder after hearing this, for only God knows what a spirit of fear I’ve been living in these past few weeks. Fear of what will happen, what won’t happen, what I can do, what I can’t do. And I’d forgotten that it has nothing at all to do with what I can or can’t do – it’s all about what He chooses to do. How quickly I forgot that, and how powerfully I was reminded.

I managed to stop crying enough to approach the altar for recieving the elements (Anglicans use real wine – really good wine!) and promptly began crying again once I was seated. Luckily, I stopped my nose from dripping long enough to shake the hand of the minister as I left the worship area.

I sat in the back of the cathedral for a while, trying to understand how I was feeling. Regular readers of this blog (and there may be enough of you now that I need to use both hands to count you!) know that the last few months have been challenging on my walk with Jesus – leaving a well-paying but soul-crushing “normal” job to pursue a dream, staring my 35th birthday in the face and officially being of “advanced maternal age”, wondering what my life is going to look like a day, a month, a year down the road, and how I’ll feel about it.

But after that service, none of it seemed to matter anymore. It was as if all the things I’d been stuffing down for so long had been dug out and flung aside, and I was overwhelmed by the sense of my own lightness. I felt all hollowed out inside, and prayed fervently for Jesus to come fill up all the empty spaces before any of that junk could get back in. And He did. Thanks, Jesus. And thanks for reminding me to take TWO travel packs of Kleenex in my purse today.

I toured the rest of St. Paul’s in peace, and lit a candle in the Jesus chapel, which is dominated by a large painting called “Light of the World” which depicts Jesus knocking on a closed door. I’ve never lit a candle in chapel in my life, but today seemed the day for it.

After finishing the tour of St. Paul’s, I left to walk across the pedestrian walkway leading away from St. Paul’s across the Thames to the South Bank. This is a photo from my trip two years ago, when I *didn’t* walk across the river. This time I did, so the picture feels more legit. 🙂

Then I wandered along the South Bank, intent on finding the setting for the final scene of “Last Chance Harvey,” one of my favorite recent films. And I did! I sat on the same bench Emma Thompson used in the film!

I pulled out my iPod to watch the final scene as I sat where it took place, including some of the last lines of the film.

Kate (Emma Thompson): So, how’s this going to work, Mr. Shine?

Harvey (Dustin Hoffman): I have absolutely no idea. But it will. I promise you that.

As Harvey’s final words came through my headphones, a sudden gust of wind swirled the leaves of the trees over my head. I’m taking that as a promise that this – all this – is going to work. I have absolutely no idea how, but it will. I’ve been promised that. So there. 🙂

It soon got too cold and windy to wax philosophical on that bench much longer, so I walked on. I got whistled at by a gold-painted statue guy near the London Eye (so apparently not ALL my makeup was cried off that morning!), and hopped a train at the Westminster station to head to Loop, a cute little knitting shop in Islington to pick up some souvenir yarn. Some people buy coffee mugs, I buy souvenir yarn. 🙂

Extremely sore feet necessitated a break at my hotel, before it was on to see “Wicked” at the Apollo Victoria. It’s close to my hotel, tickets are affordable, and it’s an amazing show. But this time, I witnessed some strange audience behavior I’ve never seen before. A woman in the next section over was applying mascara in public (which my momma taught me ladies never do) and an older women about five rows up was wearing a skirt and NOT sitting with her knees together. The map of Oz on the curtain mentioned “The Badlands”, but that ain’t what they meant, lady! Knees together, for the love of Oz!!

This is approximately the sixth time I’ve seen “Wicked” in various venues. I don’t know why, outside of the awesome music and lyrics, it appeals to me so much. Perhaps it’s because it’s the story of a woman who’s been trying to fit in her whole life, and who finally flies her broom in the face of everyone’s expectations and makes her own way in the world. Sound familiar, anyone? 🙂 While I didn’t exactly defy gravity today, I certainly climbed to heights I’d never been to before. And I’m not just talking stairways.

All right, enough deep spiritual insights for one day. I’m going shopping tomorrow. 🙂